Sometimes it is easy to fall for the role, position or the
status that a person represents, rather than the actual person and their true
character. This confusion of identity can be hard to untangle if you're struck
by the glamor of what they "do", but if you don't try to separate the
person from the position, then you might be falling for something that isn't
even real. To elaborate, if this person is in a position of authority, power or
respect in something that interests you or matters a great deal to you, whether
it's a work, hobby, club or sports role, you might have confused the role or
position of the person with who they really are. This is a common
misunderstanding in a world where we overvalue what people "do"
instead of who people are by way of their "character".
- For example, Jenna's got a
crush on Gary.
He is the top debater for the year and has an incredible way with words,
which is something she wishes she had the courage to stand up and do
too––indeed, hearing his delivery just causes her to melt inside. He is
also the President of the debating society and has a lot of influence
within the English faculty. He seems to have endless people surrounding
him wanting a piece of his time. Jenna especially wants to be a debater
and to be noticed for her word skills too. She knows Gary is not very nice to her and has
even outright insulted her on a number of occasions but she thinks this is
almost charming because it's a sign he's clever, witty and one day, may
come to realize that she's good with words too. Jenna is sorely
mistaken––she loves what Gary stands for,
not the prig that Gary
actually is.
George is falling deeply for his boss. She is smart,
clever, sassy and there is constant talk that management is so impressed with
her that she's slated for promotion to a top role shortly. Yet, she is always
snarky and cutting in remarks she makes to George and insists that he redo his
work constantly, even though George has always been a top performer and other
people recognize that he has excellent work outcomes. Yet, George is ready to
put his own work down because he thinks that his boss is smarter than him and
that if he does as she asks, she'll come to realize that he's special and will
agree to go out with him. As with Jenna, George is sadly mistaken––he is struck
by the glamor of his boss's role and the accolades she gets and downplays her
rudeness to him in the hope she'll change. She won't change and he'll just keep
on putting himself down.
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