Being clingy, not loving

This is somewhat similar to my statement above, but it’s a tad different because a clingy person can come across as loving and concerned. I have known adolescents who accuse their parent (mother or father) of dating many people and claim, after 10 weeks together, that they cannot live without this person. Their emotions are ten times what they normally would be and the person believes that their connection with the other person is somewhat “divine.”

While I (and many others) believe people are preordained to be with certain people in their lives, this kind of person is shallowly engaged in the relationship. There is a delusional element to their emotions which often appears disproportionate to reality. While love can be very strong between two people, healthy love is developed over time and is not “blinded” by shallow attractions (physical appearance, prestige, style, etc).

A person who is extremely clingy is a needy person who is trying to meet their needs with a relationship that will never be sufficient. Think back to the beginning of this article when we discussed attachment. A child who has been deprived of his or her mother’s love can certainly grow into an adult who is desperately seeking for love in all the wrong places. Unfortunately, many people are labeled “irresponsible” because of their choice of many partners, living style, or emotional chaos. But the reality is most likely that they are starving for a connection they were never able to experience.