Putting a Spin On Our Promises – Marriage Message

Marriage is two people traveling together, each one more concerned with the other’s well being than with his or her own. (J. L. Hardesty)

Last week as we celebrated our anniversary we’ve been reflecting back on the “history” we share together. It’s not just what we’ve lived through that’s important, but what we’ve “learned through” that has been most meaningful and helpful.
What we’ve learned is that as we “trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding” God HAS “directed (and straightened) our paths” and has helped us to keep the promises we made to each other on our wedding day throughout the years.
In regard to the “promises made,” there is a book titled, “For Better, For Worse,” compiled by Marlene Bagnull, in which she takes each part of the traditional wedding vows (“to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, or for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, to love and to cherish, till death do us part”), and fills each chapter with testimonies of married couples who are “choosing to live out the vows they made on their wedding day.”
Someone said of the book, “it’s a heart-stirring reminder that even in the hard times new depths of married love can be discovered when we look to the author of Love Himself” —which is true!
We’d like to share something that Marlene wrote which goes together with last week’s message (on “sickness and in health”), plus this week’s reflections on what we’ve “learned through.” She wrote, when referring to these couples that, “Their choices, same as ours, aren’t always easy. The temptation to put our own spin on the promises we made is always present.”

• To the promise to: “Have and to hold” we add: “and to control.”
• To the promise: “For better or worse” we add: “as long as there’s more better than worse.”
• To the promise: “For richer or poorer” we add: “but love doesn’t pay the bills!”
• To the promise: “In sickness and health” we add: “but I didn’t sign on to be a doctor or nurse.”
• To the promise: “Forsaking all others” we add: “but can’t I at least look?”
• To the promise: “To love and to cherish” we add: “when that’s how my mate treats me!”
• To the promise: “Till death do us part” we add: “You mean there’s no escape clause?”

Marlene writes:

“Today some couples write their own vows, but the key word, COMMITMENT, may not be taken as seriously. …Our marriage is stronger because we’ve chosen to live out the commitment we made on our wedding day and to face—together—the ‘challenges and opportunities’ (as a friend encouraged us to view them) that are a part of life.
“God promises that ‘nothing… is ever wasted’ (1 Corinthians 15:58, TLB) and that ‘all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans’ (Romans 8:28, TLB). And remember, God ‘speaks no careless word’ (Psalm 12:6, TLB)!”

Marlene Bagnull closes her thoughts with the following challenge (which is ours, as well):

“May we all be encouraged to strengthen our commitments to one another and to the Lord so that He may be able to point to us and say, ‘See how they love one another!’”

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).
On those thoughts, we’d like to add a few quotes posted on the Marriage Missions Facebook page, that goes along with things we’ve learned through in our marriage, that helps us to treat each other in ways that reflect the love of Christ (and may help you as well in your marriage):

• “I believe if we understand the level of commitment God requires of us in marriage, we would do anything and everything we could not just to make our marriage survive, but to make them successful. You see, a Christian marriage goes beyond an earthly partnership. It’s a commitment involving three individuals —the husband, the wife, and Jesus Christ.” –Dr Norm Wright
• In marriage, “think of a triangle. The bottom left corner is the husband; the bottom right corner is the wife. The top of the triangle is Jesus Christ. The point is: however you communicate with your spouse horizontally —lovingly or otherwise, you’re also communicating these same words to the Lord vertically. Marriage is not a relationship of only two, but of three. The husband, the wife and the Lord are all connected.” –Emerson Eggerichs
• “Marriage is more than sharing a life together; it’s building a life together. What you do now is for both, and what is said for now is for both. Your purpose is now for the kingdom, giving glory to the image of God.” -Dr Norm Wright. May your marriage reveal and reflect the heart of Christ in all you do and say in the way in which you live together as husband and wife.
• “You cannot separate the horizontal from the vertical. You cannot talk one way to God and another way to your spouse, family, friends, etc. We’re warned about the power of the tongue. James wrote, ‘with it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so‘ -James 3:9-10 ESV.” -Emerson Eggerichs
• Just because you are married, it does not give you a license to be mean-spirited and disrespectful in the way in which you speak to your spouse –no matter how he or she speaks to you. “Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips” -Proverbs 4:24. Treat your spouse “as unto the Lord” and you do well. “The tongue has the power of life and death” –Proverbs 18:21.
• “I’m called to love my spouse out of my love for God. Matthew 6:33 says, ‘Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you.‘ The question to ask yourself is: How do I bring God’s Kingdom into my house? …Seek first God’s righteousness in your attitude and actions within your marriage, and God will surprise you in other ways from behind.” -Gary Thomas

In closing this is our prayer for you:
“May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to Whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen” (Hebrews 13:20-21).