A rule we made in our own home years ago when our sons were growing up (and we still live out to this day) —is that we’re always to speak to and treat each other with respect. It isn’t just the words we say to each other that matters, it’s also the way in which we say it.
The tone of voice and the inflection in which we say certain things can reflect as much disrespect to the other person as calling each other names such as, “dummy or stupid” —which is also not allowed in our home.
As we told our sons, “We will not allow you to speak disrespectfully to each other or to us. You can express your feelings in our home but we will not allow you to scream or say things hatefully or disrespectfully.” We told them that we didn’t want them to live to regret such behavior later in life. And for that reason we were pretty diligent in making them obey this rule.
On the same note, as we told our sons we knew that WE ALSO NEED TO LIVE OUT THESE RULES OURSELVES in how we deal with them and with each other. If we didn’t allow them to speak disrespectfully to each other or to us, we shouldn’t do it either.
We gave them permission to keep us as accountable to that rule as we would keep them accountable to it. We knew we had no more right to yell and scream at them than they had a right to do it to us. The Bible says to “speak the truth in love” and that doesn’t include degrading each other.
You know, it’s amazing when you give your children permission to let you know when you violate a house rule, how quick they are to do so! But that’s good (even though it was pretty irritating at times when we wanted to get away with it ourselves when we were angry at them).
We all need to be kept accountable so we don’t abuse each other in deed or in word and bring disgrace to the witness of Christ within us—that especially applies to how we treat each other in our marriages!
We so agree with the words of Gary Smalley when he said, “Look at your spouse as if he or she is autographed by God.” And your spouse is —do you realize that? Every one of us is created in the image of God. Some of us may hide His image within, more than others, but somewhere deep inside it’s still there. And for that reason, we need to be mindful that God values them and so should we.
We must treat each other with respect, demonstrating the love of Christ in every way—praying for them and loving them “as unto the Lord” —because “whatever we do for the least of these, we do also unto Him.”
We came across this paraphrase of Colossians 3:17 that ministered to our hearts. We hope will minister to yours as well. It reads:
We’ll have more on this subject in the next Marriage Message, as it pertains to treating a spouse in a respectful manner, even when he or she doesn’t “appear” to deserve it.“Whatever you do for your husband or wife, whether it is something kind you say, a chore you do, or a sacrifice you make, go about it as if you’re doing it not just for him or her, but for Jesus; then you will be able to do it with a thankful heart.”
And if you’re at the place in your marriage where you’re experiencing the “Marriage Blues,” we came across an article written by Pam Farrell and Dawn Wilson, which might help you in some way. As they say:
“Too often when a couple is under stress, their default setting is to turn on each other and attack or criticize. We suggest instead of being negative to learn be positive and LOL (Laugh Out Loud) with God when life has you singing the blues. So instead of picking on your mate, try one of these ideas to gain a new attitude —and likely a new way to relate to those you love.”To learn their ideas, please read:
Realize that:
“When you talk, you make a series of choices about what subjects to discuss, what memories to bring up, and what points to make. There are negative things you could say, but there also are positive ones. Choose the positive. Choose to specialize in encouraging words, not in critical comments. As Paul wrote, ‘Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification‘ (Romans 14:19).” (Doug Britton)
It’s not that you can’t talk honestly to
one another and confront problems, but there are different ways to do
this so that your talks can be productive and helpful, rather than
mean-spirited and hurtful. The manner in which your spouse is willing to
receive your words is up to him or her, but you can be mindful of how
and when YOU deliver them.
The following Bible Study put together by
Doug Britton may help you with this task, as you go through it and allow
God to speak to your heart:
“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus“ (Romans 15:5).
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