Seek More to Understand – Marriage Message

“Lord, grant that I may seek more to understand than to be understood.” (St Francis of Assisi)

How many of us can truthfully say that when we are in conflict with our spouse, we “seek more to understand” them “than to be understood?”
I have to admit that my wanting to understand my husband’s viewpoint when we’re in conflict —particularly when I’m upset with him, is too often overshadowed by my wanting him to understand my view point instead of the other way around. How I wish it weren’t true, but it is. But with God’s help, I’m changing. I know it’s important to do so.
It’s important to embrace the truth in the Bible where God says:

• “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions“ (Proverbs 18:2).
• “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance“ (Proverbs 1:5).
• “He who answers before listening —that is his folly and his shame” (Proverbs 18:13).
• “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out“ (Proverbs 18:15).
• “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires“ (James 1:19-20).

But when I’m upset with my husband I have a tendency to lean more towards wanting to be understood, rather than to understand. And I know this can be a problem when I allow myself to give into this temptation. Do you find yourself caught up in this same situation at times?
As author, Josh McDowell, says about the prayer of Francis of Assisi, “Can you imagine what would happen in our relationships if we all held this attitude? [“Lord, grant that I may seek more to understand, than to be understood.”]
Most conflicts would quickly dissolve, because most are the result of each person holding to a different assumption.” He goes on to say, “If you want to handle your conflicts in a biblical way you must remember this question: What does God want to teach me in this conflict? Whatever it is, I can learn from it.”
So, for those of us who struggle to “understand” what God can teach us through conflict, read the following, which is found in the book, The Secret of Loving by Josh McDowell. He refers to it as a “Winning Formula.” Here is what he writes:

“Let me show you a fabulous four-point outline for resolving conflict found in the first five verses of chapter 7 of Matthew:
“Verses 1 and 2 say, ‘Do not judge lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard or measure, it will be measured to you.‘ This tells us to BE HUMBLE.
“Verse 3 follows, ‘And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?‘ Here we are clearly told to BE HONEST. I don’t think I have ever been involved in a conflict where there wasn’t a log in my own eye. [How about you?]
“Then, in verse 4 we read, ‘Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?‘ The lesson here is INTEGRITY.
“And finally, in verse 5 we are commanded to deal with conflict IN LOVE: ‘You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.‘
“Jesus calls us to be humble, to be honest, to exercise integrity, and to demonstrate love.
“Here’s the danger. You can get wrapped up so easily in seeking revenge and in wanting to get even in a conflict that you miss what God wants you to learn in the situation. The focus should be on finding out what GOD is saying to YOU.
“This requires a willingness to admit that you are not perfect. Your prayer and mine ought to be, ‘Lord, give me the strength to admit my shortcomings.’ Admitting is not a sign of weakness. Rather it takes courage to admit that you are wrong. As you acknowledge a weakness in your own life, you immediately become more able to accept a weakness in someone else’s life.
“A willingness to be corrected is another requirement if you are to learn God’s lesson for you. We can easily be more blind to our own faults than someone else’s.
“A proper attitude and willingness to change are also vital. In every situation you should have the desire to come out a better person, a better servant, and a better friend. WITH THESE ATTITUDES YOU WILL SET THE HOLY SPIRIT FREE TO DO HIS WORK.”

And to that we say, “AMEN!” We’re told in the Bible:

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you“ (Ephesians 4:30-32).
“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:1-2).

We pray that all of us will learn what God is trying to teach us and that we will “set the Holy Spirit free” in our lives to “do His work” in and through us!

Why Can’t We Hear Correctly? – Marriage Message

The saying goes, “God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason —He wants us to be better prepared to listen than to speak.” That sure goes along with the Bible verse that says, “Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).
For some reason, listening seems to be a skill that too many of us (ourselves included) will under-use. We need to get rid of what authors Dallas and Nancy Demmitt call the “How-can-I-get-you-to-shut-up-and-listen-to-me?” mind-set and replace it with a “What-can-I-do-to-create-a-safe-place-where-understanding-can-take-root-and-grow?” attitude.
The Bible says, “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out” (Proverbs 18:15). Are you being wise and seeking out knowledge about your spouse —not just regurgitating what they say and then voicing what you’d decided to say anyway? Are you truly LISTENING to not only to their words but to their heart and to the meaning BEHIND their words? That’s difficult to do because it takes self-discipline and discernment and selflessness.
Please take note of what author H. Norman Wright writes on the topic of listening, from the book, How to Change Your Spouse without Ruining Your Marriage, because we could LEARN something! This is what Dr Wright says on this subject:

When both husband and wife recognize the importance of listening objectively and giving each other full attention, they’re taking big steps toward building strong lines of communication. It’s important to identify some of the attitudes that prevent a husband or wife from listening. Reading these statements may be uncomfortable, but that may indicate a problem attitude:
“I’m right and you’re wrong.” When this is the attitude, you become preoccupied with proving this to your partner and you embark on a crusade to convince him or her, which usually backfires. You don’t hear your partner.
“You’re at fault.” When blame is the name of the game, you see yourself as innocent and your spouse as guilty. You’re convinced he or she “should” be blamed. You don’t listen to your partner.
“I’m the victim.” If you have a need to feel you’ve been victimized and your partner is insensitive as well as selfish, you won’t hear the explanations or the apologies. Your partner can express it a dozen different ways but you won’t really listen.
“Self-blindness.” There’s no way that you see yourself contributing to a problem. You complain about your partner and fail to see how you both cooperate and participate in the issue. The barriers are up against hearing your spouse’s perspective.
“Domination phobia.” You’re afraid if you listen to your partner you’ll be controlled, having to do it in his or her way. You hit the “listen off” switch when your spouse makes suggestions to you.
“Defensiveness.” You live with the fear of being criticized. You don’t listen to evaluate what is said but reject all statements. Sometimes you expect to be criticized so you hear it when it’s not even there.
“Mistrust.” You don’t trust your partner. You believe your husband or wife is lying before he or she says anything. You feel that if you show any indication that you’re listening; your partner will take advantage of you.
“Self-centeredness.” This can also be called selfishness or narcissism. There is no understanding directed toward the other person’s needs or concerns. Your partner is hardly even thought of except to deny his or her right to feel, behave, or say anything to contradict you.
These attitudes keep growth and change from taking place.
Is there a difference between listening and hearing? Yes, there is. Hearing is gaining content or information for your own purposes. Listening is caring for and being empathic toward the person who is talking. Hearing means that you’re concerned about what’s going on inside yourself during the conversation. Listening means you’re trying to understand the feelings of your spouse and are listening for the sake of the other person. Let me give you a threefold definition of listening. Listening means that when your spouse is talking to you:
You’re not thinking about what you’re going to say when he or she stops talking. You aren’t busy formulating your response. You’re concentrating on what is being said and are putting it into practice. “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame“ (Proverbs 18:13). It also means you’re looking at the person and listening with your eyes as well as with your ears.
You’re accepting what is being said without judging what he or she is saying or how it’s being said. You may fail to hear the message if you’re thinking that you don’t like your spouse’s tone of voice or words. You may react to the tone and content and miss the meaning. Perhaps your spouse hasn’t said it in the best way, but why not listen and come back later when both of you are calm and discuss the proper wording and tone of voice? Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to agree with the content of what is said. Rather, it means that you understand that what your spouse is saying is something he or she feels is important.
You should be able to repeat what your spouse has said and what you think he or she was feeling while speaking to you. Real listening implies an obvious interest in your spouse’s feelings and opinions and an attempt to understand them from their perspective. It means you let your partner know, “I hear and understand what you’re saying, and I want to respond.”
When you listen to another person, you can actually disarm him or her, especially when you’re being criticized. Arguing with a critic rarely works but agreeing builds a closer relationship. When you listen you don’t defend yourself, but neither do you have to agree with all that is said. If you can find some small element of truth to agree with, your spouse will be less on the offensive and more open to listening to you and considering your request. As a result, your desire for him or her to change may receive consideration.

We’re sorry to say that the book, How to Change Your Spouse is out of print. But the message is vital. Marriage puts us in the position to continually make important choices to partner with each other to build bridges of communication. Keep in mind what the Bible says, “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” (Proverbs 18:2). “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.” (Proverbs 1:5).
We pray this message ministers to your marriage.

A Sacred Marriage – Marriage Message

To God, marriage is sacred —there’s no doubt about it —not from God’s vantage point! It’s important for us to realize that:

“A giant thread runs throughout scripture comparing God’s relationship to His people with the human institution of marriage” (Gary Thomas).

The problem is that most Christians either don’t see that thread and/or they don’t realize its importance. We sure didn’t. It hasn’t been until recent years, through our studies, and reading God’s word, that we saw this thread and came to know that because of it, we need to take marriage as serious as God does. Entering into a covenant relationship with another person (our spouse) and our God is a serious commitment. We should consider marriage to be sacred and approach it as God does!
That’s why we want to point out a book that we wish everyone could read. It’s called Sacred Marriage, written by Gary Thomas. If you can obtain and read this book, we HIGHLY recommend you do so. For us, it has been a real life-changer, in the way we now see and approach marriage. So, for this Marriage Message, we’re going to share a few quotes from the book, hoping you will also prayerfully consider what Gary writes:

• “To spiritually benefit from marriage, we have to be honest. We have to look at our disappointments, own up to our ugly attitudes, and confront our selfishness. We also have to rid ourselves of the notion that the difficulties of marriage can be overcome if we simply pray harder or learn a few simple principles. Most of us have discovered that these ‘simple steps’ work only on a superficial level. Why is this? Because there’s a deeper question that needs to be addressed beyond how we can ‘improve’ our marriages: What if God didn’t design marriage to be ‘easier’? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” (pg. 13)
• “I found there was a tremendous amount of immaturity within me that my marriage directly confronted. The key was that I had to change my view of marriage. If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy an infatuation and make me ‘happy,’ then I’d have to get a ‘new’ marriage every two or three years. But if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I’d need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse. In fact, you might even say, the more difficult my spouse proved to be, the more opportunity I’d have to grow. Just as physical exercise needs to be somewhat strenuous, so ‘relational exercise’ may need to be a bit vigorous to truly stress-test the heart.” (pg. 23)
• “I believe that much of the dissatisfaction we experience in marriage comes from expecting too much from it. I have a rather outdated computer so I know there are some things I simply can’t do with it; there’s just not enough memory or processing power to run certain programs or combine certain tasks. It’s not that I have a bad computer; it’s just that I can’t reasonably expect more from it than it has power to give. In the same way, some of us ask too much of marriage. We want to get the largest portion of our life’s fulfillment from our relationship with our spouse. That’s asking too much. Yes, without a doubt there should be moments of happiness, meaning, and a general sense of fulfillment. But my wife can’t be God, and I was created with a spirit that craves God. Anything less than God, and I’ll feel an ache.” (pg. 25)
• “If there is one thing engaged couples need to hear, it’s that a good marriage is not something you find, it’s something you work for. It takes struggle. You must crucify your selfishness. It helps when we view our struggles in light of what they provide for us spiritually rather than in light of what they take from us emotionally. Working through disagreements is taxing. There are a million things I’d rather do than put in the time and effort to leap over a relational hurdle. If I’m in my marriage for emotional stability, I probably won’t last long. But if I think it can reap spiritual benefits, I’ll have reason to not just be married, but act married.” (pg. 133)
• “What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. It forces me to face myself honestly and consider my character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitudes, encouraging me to be sanctified and cleansed and to grow in godliness. Kathleen and Thomas Hart write, ‘Sometimes what is hard to take in the first years of marriage is not what we find out about our partner, but what we find out about ourselves. As one young woman who had been married about a year said, ‘I always thought of myself as a patient and forgiving person. Then I began to wonder if that was just because I had never before gotten close to anyone. In marriage, when John and I began…dealing with difference, I saw how small and unforgiving I could be. I discovered a hardness in me I had never experienced before.’” (Pg. 93)
• “One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse. Had there been a card attached, it would have said, ‘Here’s to helping you discover what you’re really like! (Gary and Betsy Ricucci, pg. 89)
• “Infatuation can be an intoxicating drug that temporarily covers up any number of inner weaknesses. But marriage is a spotlight showing us that our search for another human being to ‘complete’ us is misguided. When disillusionment breaks through, we have one of two choices: Dump our spouse and become infatuated with someone new, or seek to understand the message behind the disillusionment—that we should seek our significance, meaning, and purpose in our Creator rather than in another human being.” (pg. 83)
• “If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become the bigger and better man.” (Johann Wolfgang van Goethe)
• “Marriage can never remove the trials—in fact it almost always creates new ones. But even difficult marriages to difficult men can give women the strength to become the people God created them to be. (So it is for men married to difficult women as well.)” (pg. 147)
• “Knowing why we are married and should stay married is crucial. This will lead us into a discussion argued by Pastor C. J. Mahaney in an audiotape series on marriage titled According to Plan. The key question is this: Will we approach marriage from a God-centered view or a man-centered view? In a man-centered view, we will maintain our marriage as long as our earthly comforts, desires, and expectations are met. In a God-centered view, we preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and points a sinful world to a reconciling Creator.” (pg. 32)

Please consider:

“Merely being faithful to your spouse is quite a testimony in this society. But as you go beyond that to communicate love for your spouse in a consistent, creative, and uninhibited way, the world can’t help but notice. God will be honored.” (Gary and Betsy Ricucci)

It is our hope and prayer that God will be honored by the way every one of us conducts ourselves within our marriages. Even if our spouse doesn’t act in an honorable way, it doesn’t give us an excuse to do that, which is wrong. May we continually reveal and reflect the love of God in the way we live our lives, both within our homes and outside of them. And may our actions be used of God to point others to Him, so they will want to know our God better!

If Walls Could Talk – Marriage Message

If our walls could talk, they sure would have a lot to say! Have you ever thought about that? What do you think they’d say? Oh, we’re not talking about the private moments between husband and wife where certain things should be kept private between them and God. We’re talking over-all, what would they say?
The Bible says in Proverbs 24:3-4: “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.“
So, is your home being built through understanding and gaining knowledge of the ways of the Lord? The principles for loving each other are the principles for living, written throughout the Bible. If the walls of your home could talk, what would they say about how YOU PERSONALLY conduct yourself within your marriage relationship?
You can’t control your spouse. You can suggest, talk about, hope and pray that your spouse will act in a manner worthy of the Lord’s calling for how he or she treats you as his or her partner in life. But you can’t MAKE your spouse live by God’s standards for living.
So, our message is addressed to you personally. The Bible says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone“ (Romans 12:18). And that includes your spouse!
The question that we place before you (as we place it before ourselves) is: If the walls in your home could talk, AS FAR AS IT DEPENDS UPON YOU, what would they say?

• If the walls of your home could talk… would they speak of your faithfulness in your marital relationship?

The Bible says: “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well“ (Proverbs 5:15).
Even if your spouse is unfaithful, it doesn’t give you the right to be unfaithful in how you conduct your life. “The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature” (Romans 13:12-14).

• If the walls of your home could talk… would they say that you build up and encourage your spouse?

The Bible says in Proverbs 14:1: “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish tears hers down.” Don’t allow your words and attitudes to tear down the spirit of those who dwell within your home. And that goes for men as well as for women!

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you“ (Ephesians 4:29-32).
Jesus said, “A household divided against itself will not stand“ (Matthew 12:25). Are you a builder or a destroyer?

• If the walls of your house could talk… would they testify that Jesus is Lord of your life and that you bring strength into your home?

“Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain“ (Psalm 127:1).

• If the walls of your home could talk… would they say you’re a quarrelsome person —picking ungodly arguments in the way you act out what’s bothering you?

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife“ (Proverbs 25:24).
And that doesn’t let men off the hook in this type of situation: “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless“ (James 1:26).
“But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned“ (Matthew 12:37).

• If the walls of your home could talk… would they say that the Lord dwells within them and that your life is a window in which others can clearly see the love of Christ displayed?

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?“ (1 Corinthians 3:16)
“You show that you are a letter from Christ… written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts“ (2 Corinthians 3:3).
Jesus said, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another“ (John 13:35).

• If the walls of your home could talk… would they testify that there is at least ONE person who lives within your home that is pressing forward to live faithfully, communicating the Gospel with and without words?

Are you a light to your spouse, your children, your neighbors, and everyone who comes in contact with you?
Do you learn from your mistakes and do you confess to God and those you offend, asking for forgiveness and working with God to stop this behavior? Are you living an authentic life in Christ?
We’re asking you these questions to both challenge and urge you to consider your personal walk with the Lord and your walk within your home —which should be consistent in how your faith is lived out. These are questions we ask ourselves and pray the Lord will help ALL of us to live faithfully to the end of our lives here on earth.
Jesus said, “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built” (Luke 6:46-48).
That is our prayer for all of us —that we will build our marriages, our homes, and our lives on the strong foundation set forth through Jesus Christ!

LIVING The Gospel Message – Marriage Message

 A while back we went to the Middle East ministering with others, to faithful workers of the Gospel. We fell in love with our fellow brothers and sisters over there and believe that our lives have been forever changed in a positive way.
On this trip Dr David Ferguson (Greatcommandment.net) was one of the teachers. Much of what he taught can be a lesson for us all —whether we’re on the mission field or not (although our marriages can be viewed as a mission field in itself). In this Marriage Message we’ll summarize below that which is particularly relevant to marriages.
David talked about common hindrances to presenting the gospel. He said, “We may be living out the only gospel message some people will ever witness.” That’s one reason why we need to communicate the gospel not only with our words, but with our actions so they don’t overshadow what the Lord is saying to those He brings our way.
It tells us in the Bible in 1 John 3:16, “We know love by this —that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the Brethren.” Relating to this scripture, Dr Ferguson pointed out that:
“We need to both SHARE the gospel and LIVE the gospel. The Bible is both a TRUTHFUL GOSPEL, pointing out, ‘He laid down His life for us.‘ It’s also a RELATIONAL GOSPEL, which tells us, ‘we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.‘”
Too often our words to others are overshadowed by the contradictions they see in how we live our lives. They sometimes look at us and think, “Why should I listen to a word he or she says to me about the love Christ has for me and wants me to have for others when I look at how they treat each other and see just the opposite? Why should pay attention to what they’re saying? It seems pretty hypocritical to me!”
As Dr Ferguson says, “The relational testimony of my life will either CONFIRM the truthfulness of the gospel or it will DISTRACT from the truthfulness of the Gospel.” People need to see that I’m willing to lay down my own agenda for the sake of the gospel —to deny my willful ways of doing things and give of myself on behalf of the “brethren” —whether outside my home, or inside my home with my spouse and family.
It’s not that we are to let our spouse victimize us or that we enable their sinful ways to continue, but we’re to live out the ways of Christ in such a way that the words of the Bible ring true, “They will know us because of the love we show towards one another.” Our approach is more Christlike.
And it’s not that we have to “act” as performers so people will be more willing to listen to the gospel —but we are to live our lives in such a genuine way that it shows that what we say, we TRULY believe. There’s truth in our actions, as well as what we say.
It’s hypocritical to live our lives one way in front of open doors and another way behind closed doors. Eventually that, which is done in darkness, is revealed in the Light of Christ. And at that point it can have a serious impact on the testimony of the Lord.
Being a follower of Christ is about living Christ’s ways whether we have a human “audience” or not. But we need to be aware of the fact that there is always a spiritual one. It’s tragic to think how we “entertain” the enemy of our faith and cause rejoicing whenever we hurt each other with our words and/or our actions. What’s even worse is to know that because God always sees us, how His heart must grieve whenever HE sees us hurt each other!
We pray that whether your spouse treats you as he or she should, or not, you’ll ask God to help you to stay true to what you know the Lord would want of you. The question is always, “What would Jesus do in this situation?” It will help you to live out the Gospel Message.
One pastor wrote:
“There are two reasons people don’t become Christians:
(1) They’ve never met a Christian…
(2) they have.”
We hope you’ll consider this message and if you realize that you have not been LIVING the Gospel Message that you will repent of this inconsistency and will do what it takes to line your life up with the message of Christ.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Hebrews 12:1-3)
“But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, in order that I may finish my course, and my ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus Christ, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.” (Acts 20:24)
Please know that our love and prayers are with you as together we strive to make our marriages the best they can be so they reveal and reflect the love of Christ to the glory of God!

The GIFT – Marriage Message

All around us we see people searching for just the “right gift” to give their spouse. “But thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!” (2 Corinthians 9:15) You can’t get anymore perfect of a gift than to know Jesus in a personal way! Please don’t forget Him in all you do this season.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth that we might be a kind of first fruits of all He created.” (James 1:17-18)
And the “Word of Truth” is JESUS! “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men.” … “He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.”
The question is have YOU personally received him as the gift God intends for you to have? If you haven’t you can visit WhoisJesus-really.com or contact us to further explain how you can.
“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God —children born not of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:10-13)
As we contemplate giving each other gifts this Christmas, it is our hope that none of us forgets the greatest gift God gave. He gave us Himself —in the human form of His son JESUS!
We hope that you will get to know Him in a more personal way than ever before by making the time to read His Word, the Bible (if you aren’t doing so already). We know this is a busy time of the year. But don’t miss out on your most important appointment of all!
“As God’s fellow workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain. For He says, ‘In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.’ I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor; now is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:1-2). “Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near” (Isaiah 55:6). You can neglect a lot of things, but please don’t neglect your relationship with your Living Lord!
If you don’t have a Bible, you might ask your spouse for one this Christmas (or dust off the one you have if you haven’t been reading it). Don’t wait until the first of the year to start reading, start as soon as possible to learn the treasures it has in store for you to experience.
It’s important to read God’s word because it will help you to know Him better as you experience personal worship time spent one-on-one with Him. It will also help you in your marriage as you truly apply what the Bible says about everyday living.
As author Gary Thomas says (which we personally know to be true):

“Personal worship is an absolute necessity for a strong marriage. It comes down to this: If I stop receiving from God, I start demanding from others. Instead of appreciating and loving and serving others, I become disappointed in them. Instead of cherishing my wife, I become aware of her shortcomings. I take out my frustrations with a less-than-perfect life and somehow blame HER for my lack of fulfillment.
“But when my heart gets filled by God’s love and acceptance, I’m set free to love instead of worrying about being loved. I’m motivated to serve instead of becoming obsessed about whether I’m being served. I’m moved to cherish instead of feeling unappreciated.”

So don’t forget your time of personal worship, including reading God’s word, taking in all of the nourishment and help it has for you —especially in your marriage. The most perfect gift you can ever experience is to know Christ in a more personal way. The Bible will help you to do that.
The following is an inscription that William Nesbitt Jr. put in the front of the Bible he gave his wife 59 years ago (featured in a past Marriage Partnership Magazine article titled, “The Perfect Gift”):

To Bernice at Christmas 1947,
There are so many things I want you to have this Christmas, but I couldn’t possibly give you all of them. I chose this gift because it can do more of those things than I can, and do them incomparably better.
I’d like always to be there to help you, but in this book lies the answer to your every problem. I want to comfort you when you’re sad, yet what greater comfort is available than that which you can find within these pages? I want to give you strength in your hours of weakness, but I couldn’t begin to give you the strength you’ll find here.
It gives me pleasure to make you happy, but this gift is the source of the greatest happiness you’ll ever find. I want to be your friend, but here you will find the staunchest of all friends. Most of all, I want to help you accomplish the task God put you on earth to do. Within the covers of this book you will find the tools, the instructions, the pattern, the teacher, and the friend that will help you accomplish this task much better than I can.
What else can I give you that will do so much? It can be with you when I can’t, help you when I don’t know how, and speak to you words of love and comfort more eloquently than I’m capable of doing. It can give you strength to minister to others, and the part of this book you store in your mind will forever be an invaluable resource.
All these things you know, and you would have gotten them anyway, but to furnish you with the medium through which they’ll come brings me happiness beyond description. I wish you a joyous Christmas, and a New Year of blessing as you follow the path God has planned for us to walk together.
With all my love, Bill

We know that not all of you have spouses who will give a beautiful gift like this, and for that we’re truly sorry. We know it grieves the heart of God that many don’t understand how valuable it is to love Christ and LIVE CHRIST. But there’s nothing stopping you from going into God’s Word to receive the benefit of knowing Him better. Even if your life is chaotically busy, God can show you how to find snatches of time to gain spiritual nourishment even while you’re “on the go.”

“I’ve seen a constant formula at work in my life: the less I receive from God, the more I demand from my wife; the more I receive from God, the more I am set free to give to my wife. The best thing you can do for your marriage is to fill your soul with God. Start defining disappointment with your spouse as spiritual hunger, a cosmic call to worship. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but it is limited. It can’t replace God. Don’t ask it to.” (Gary Thomas, Devotions for a Sacred Marriage: A Year of Weekly Devotions for Couples)

We hope you won’t,

Marriage Inspiration and Laughter

“If you don’t laugh, you’ll probably cry.” That’s what came to mind after writing to a friend who is hurting in her marriage and then reading something sent to us that made us laugh. The laughter is like a healing balm that the Lord sent at the right time. How grateful we are that we have a God who knows that is what we needed! In this Marriage Message we hope this will be what you need, as well —inspiration to consider and then moments of laughter to enjoy.
First, let me explain. Our friend was going through a time of “darkness” in her marriage. She and her husband both personally “know” the Lord but they weren’t connecting relationally, so things were tense (to say the least). With the help of a counselor, and their looking to the Lord for guidance, we know that things will “work together for the good” (as we’re told in Romans 8:28) because both of them ARE “called according to God’s good purpose.” But it doesn’t mean that the “journey” along the way is without pain, or times of questioning and wondering.
In this message we’re sharing a portion of the advice we gave to our friend (which doesn’t reveal anything personal about the situation to keep confidentiality). We’re hoping it might inspire you (or someone you know) as you journey through a “dark” time in your life and/or your marriage:

“I pray that as you proceed through this day that you will see God’s ‘gentle lights.’ Author Max Lucado talks about ‘Doubtstorms.’ He says ‘there are snowstorms; there are hailstorms; there are rainstorms; and there are doubtstorms.’ He describes doubtstorms as ‘those turbulent days when the enemy is too big, the task is too great, the future too bleak, and the answers are too few.’ But then he goes on to describe ‘gentle lights’ as ‘God’s solutions for doubtstorms —not thunderbolts —not explosions of light —just gentle lights —visible evidence of the invisible hand. It’s soft reminders that optimism is not just for fools.’
“He goes on to say, ‘When God comes, we doubters think, all pain will flee. Life will be tranquil and no questions will remain. But because we look for the bonfire, we miss the candle. Because we listen for the shout, we miss the whisper. But it is in burnished candles that God comes and through whispered promises he speaks: ‘When you doubt, look around; I am closer than you think.’ In each day, we hope you will look for and see God’s gentle lights.
“When we were in Kenya visiting our prodigal son (an archeologist doing research there at the time), we asked God to show us ‘God moments.’ We sensed God was taking us on a journey of growth —that if we really looked beyond what our eyes could see, God would show us He was working in our son’s life. Ours would be a faith-stretching experience as if God was saying, ‘you say you trust me. Will you trust Me even when you don’t SEE my hand at work —to know that I AM?’ We committed to trust and not complain but to look for Him wherever we were. If He chose to reveal any of His workings we would be grateful, but being on a ‘faith-walk’ means pressing on even when it doesn’t make ‘human’ sense to do so.
“At that point we started to see things we never saw before —God’s ‘gentle lights’ in the midst of everything else that was going on. Eventually it got to be so blatantly obvious that by the end of our trip, we figured our son was processing things in his mind like, ‘how did they pull all of this off when I know they didn’t have any way of setting things up ahead of time?’ And we didn’t. GOD did! For our son, we’re thinking it became irritating. But thankfully, we saw God’s graciousness in allowing us to ‘peek’ at the spiritual work going on all around.
“For you, this would be different. Both of you know the Lord. But in other ways it’s the same. Your husband isn’t ‘aware’ of all that’s going on around him. He’s still caught up in how this affects his life. He doesn’t see that he has to look beyond himself —taking his wants and desires out of it (Philippians 2 in action) in order to ultimately get the best that God has for him and for both of you. I pray that one of these days he will.
“But until that day I pray that God will show you His ‘gentle lights’ so you can walk with hope that the path ahead of you won’t always be so darkened. For now God seems to be giving you ‘just enough light for the path you’re on’ (and even then it ‘appears’ to be less ‘light’ than what we need —but that shows that God is in control and not us). Someday I just know in my heart that you’ll see a brighter future and you’ll even have enough light shining in your life that you can spare giving some of it to others to help them —just as God is doing for me right now.
“I hope that you will ask God to show you His ‘gentle lights’ today and then open your eyes to start looking for them. I truly believe that you will be amazed at all of the ways in which God is blessing you and is working beneath the surface and all around you. It’s my hope that you’ll find a way to enjoy the journey as much as it’s possible and don’t forget to laugh. Look for the humor amidst the garbage and I have a feeling you’ll see some beams of light peeking through.”

After sending off that letter we received something from Crosswalk.com —a web site ministry where you can sign up for e-mailed devotionals, and more. Here’s the message we received (that brought us a lot of laughter) titled, “What He Says —What He means.” We hope it brings you laughter too:

• “’I’m going fishing.’ What this really means is: ‘I’m going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety.’
• “’It’s a guy thing’ really means ‘there is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.’
• “’Can I help with dinner?’ really means ‘Why isn’t it already on the table?’
• “’Uh-huh.’ ‘Yes, dear’ really means absolutely nothing; It’s a conditioned response.
• “’It would take too long to explain’ really means ‘I have no idea how it works.’
• “’We’re going to be late’ really means ‘I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.’
• “’Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard’ really means ‘I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
• “’That’s interesting, dear’ really means ‘are you still talking?’
• “’I’ve got reasons for what I’m doing’ really means ‘I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.’
• “’I can’t find it’ really means ‘it didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m clueless.’
• “’You know I could never love anyone else’ really means: ‘I’m used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.
• “’You look terrific’ really means: ‘please don’t try on one more outfit; I’m starving.’
• “’I’m not lost; I know exactly where we are’ really means: ‘No one will ever see us again.’”